Killing the Undead Is Hard

Sometimes, when I watch a movie, it's a little harder than usual to suspend my disbelief. I like zombie movies. I know that technically, a zombie is a living person enslaved in the same manner after the soul has been magically removed. A zombie is a "will-less slave"(at least according to Random House dictionary). And I know that, colloquially speaking, when someone refers to a "zombie", one means a reanimated flesh eater, who feasts on the flesh or brains of the living (that's all due to George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead). I know that the big controversy these days among fans of the zombie genre has a lot to do with the latest crop of "fast" zombies ala Danny Boyle's are-they-really-zombies flick, 28 Days Later and Zach Snyder's 2004 re-make of Romero's Dawn of the Dead. But something that has always been gnawing at my craw is the fact that so many characters in zombie movies seem unmoved by the act of shooting other people. Allow me to explain: In the original Night of the Living Dead, Barbara goes catatonic within the first ten minutes of the film. Why? Well, Barbara goes out to lunch after being nearly feasted upon by a truly creepy looking zombie who not only attacks Barbara, but also kills her brother Johnny and comes after Barbara with a rock after Barbara seeks refuge from the attacking undead. By the time that Barbara makes it to the deserted farmhouse and meets up with Ben, the Coopers, and the young couple, Tom and Judy, mentally speaking, Barbara is orbiting somewhere near Jupiter. When the horde of zombies makes its way into the farmhouse, Barbara does nothing to defend herself. She is swarmed and consumed by the flesh-hungry ghouls. Although Barbara is one of zombidom's most memorable characters (and the object of one of horror's most famous lines, "they're coming to get you, Barbara"), a character like Barbara hasn't been seen since 1968. Most of the characters you'll see in zombie movies take to firearms like infants to the bottle. Even the most gun shy character (like Sarah Polley in Dawn of the Dead) is able to point a gun and shoot other people without even so much as wincing. It's not just the fact that characters in zombie movies so readily take to shooting other people with unflinching ease, it's the fact that the characters are uncannily accurate in their sharpshooting abilities. I know that, statistically speaking, there are enough guns in America to supply every man, woman,and child with their own individual firearm. But, as we know, a nation of guns does not necessarily make for a nation of marksmen. We know that it is impossible for every person who shoots a gun is capable of firing a kill shot every time they fire a weapon. It is difficult for even the most skilled gunmen to strike a person's head, yet, zombie movie characters are able to shoot and land head shots with an accuracy that can be attributed to a gun full of magic bullets. In Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead, newly zombified Steve Marcus is shot right in the middle of his forehead by a character who, before then, had never indicated that she possessed the gun skills to coolly and calmly shoot an oncoming zombie between his eyes. But it isn't just the stunning accuracy of the shooting that is bothersome. The fact that characters in zombie movies are so able to shoot their fellow humans is quite disturbing. I know that a common refrain in zombie movies is that the newly reanimated are not the people that they once were, they are no longer our friends and family, but when you shoot someone in the head, whether that person is living or newly dead, the brains fly out of their heads the same. The person still drops to the ground. The person is dead. That's got to affect the way that you think about pointing a gun and shooting someone. Police officers who are involved in the shooting of suspects often say that the act of taking a life is extremely traumatic, and is something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Yet, with the exception of Barbara, very few characters in zombie movies express any feeling other than Rambo when dealing with the undead. Most point, shoot, then make a joke afterwards.